If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish i was in the wii world.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
