Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
