Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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