Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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