yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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