At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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