Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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