my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
