Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
