Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
