Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
