Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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