So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
