I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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