why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
