atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
