She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
