i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
