At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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