For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
