Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
