He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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