oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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