you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i out mim tonsoeep
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