I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
