Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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