i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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