Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
