Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
