Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
