Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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