she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
