theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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