some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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