Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
