I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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