When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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