a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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