i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
