Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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