I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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