I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm passing your future prison.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
