a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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