I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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