i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
