i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
