3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
