i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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