First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
