i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
