Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
