i just wanna soil my oats bro
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
