I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
