this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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