i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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