I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
