If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
