Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
