I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
